Okay, so it's a bold statement but don't be too quick to judge! Now before we start let's get a few things straight!

Disclaimer:
I'm not about to solve your money problems.
I don't guarantee my suggestions. 😉
I don't take responsibility for any of your parenting decisions!

Honest claim:
I'm a mum and a wife with a love for 'going on a bit', I've been skint, I've wasted money and I'm interested in surviving a simple but happy life.

What am I rambling on about? 
That my dear readers, is the big question! 😆
I'm talking survival, I'm talking entertaining kids without applying for a loan.
I'm talking patience, lots of patience.
And Gin.

Your options:
Read this post and get some tips.
Tut your way through this post.
Giggle your way through this post.
But whatever you do, do not sleep your way through this post! Why?
Because that would be rude! 😉

​Here are my 5 top tips for entertaining kids for peanuts.
And surviving.

I'm a patient person, I can rock screaming babies without panicking and I can enjoy a relaxing day without spending money, rude people - now there's a test!

So my very first tip is essential. Stop stressing about the inevitable anxious day ahead. Drink some coffee and plan your project! (Is it wrong to call your kids a project? Nah!) You can and you will entertain your kidders without needing to re-mortgage your house!

Instead of digging into your purse, dig deep into your core and grasp onto that patience! That's it, grasp it, keep hold of it and nurture it.

Take a deep breath, you're ready.

A dry day in the UK is a small miracle so get outside!

 You can whizz through an hour of your day by simply clinging to your patience and getting the kids to help.
Get them packing the picnic, choosing their treats and packing their 'UK dry day' toys!
(Hour 1 TICK! - I know about hourly survival!)

Don your picnic filled rucksack and go.
If your patience doesn't extend to counting snails/flowers/slugs while walking with squashed butties warming your back, then take their scooters or bikes.
Then you have both arms free to heroically save them/steer them/thrust them 50 metres ahead while you plod behind pretending you're somewhere else! 

Set down your blanket, plonk yourselves down and tell the kidders what a great idea it is to play while you get the food out. (& discreetly eat some stuff before it gets covered in grass, snot and spit!)
Engage in some child friendly chatter while you eat - which games you'll play, how many daisy chains you can make and all that jazz.

Post picnic, fill the rubbish bag, wipe the kids down (to avoid them attracting insects!) and play.  Play football, play catch, play hide & seek. Take intermittent breaks whilst entertaining the kids with thumb wars.  (A sit down game 😉)
​Be warned, once a thumb war participant, always a thumb war participant!

The picnic day: you'll enjoy it (Just try will you!) and they'll love it!
(They'll also be knackered - winner!)
​

It worked for Mary Poppins and it can work for you!

'No darling it's not chores, I want to see who's the best at...'
'No sweetie, it's not mummy getting some quiet time, it's who can be the quietest for the longest...'

You know where this is going right? You have children, yes I know they're not slaves and inciting competitiveness may be questionable (I think it's healthy)
But if you can convince them to help, that it's in their interest, you have your very own team of helpers!
And kids love being helpers!

So challenge them to see who can clear the toys up the quickest.
​Challenge them to see if they can reach the wheelie bin lid, the vacuum, help with dinner, watch a film in silence. 😉
Don't feel bad, you're busy, you're wonder parent and helping gives them life lessons and makes them feel valuable.

Be aware: There's a fine line between getting them to help and having them run your house while you sit with a G&T in hand watching a box set!
​

So you planned another picnic and the UK-ness of the UK kicked in!
Rainy days are do-able with more patience and effort!

While the kids are entertaining themselves (it's good for them) drink some coffee.
When your veins are caffeinated, tell the kids to bring the toilet roll tubes that are littering the bathroom floor (because the toilet roll fairy has been on a break!) and set up an arts and crafts table. (Your dining table covered with something, anything. to preserve its life for one more day!)  

Now remember primary school, sure you can remember that far back! Reach into your imagination and lead by example. 
Toilet roll tubes make trumpets, telescopes, binoculars. The creative juices will flow and the creations will be multi functional - entertainment for the kids, gifts for loved ones and easy on the purse!
You'll have an unlimited supply of handmade gifts to present to your friends and family!
(made with love and all that)

Handmade creations done, (yes of course you can spend an entire morning doing this) it's lunch time. Remember that picnic idea, homes have floors, floor picnics are really exciting. (Make sure you sound convincing when you say this to the kids)

Your going to have your lunch on a blanket on the floor and yes you'll be forced to engage in more thumb wars.
I told you, once a thumb war participant, always a thumb war participant!

As the excitement of the floor picnic subsides, refer to point 3 to encourage a tidy up. (told you it would work!) Time to move on to baking.
Stay with me, google a recipe, mix the stuff and then the oven does the work while you lick the bowl. 

Once baked, get a film on and enjoy an afternoon kids film while eating your baking efforts. 
Tea, bath and story and the kids will be knackered.

​Gin time. 

Referring back to point 4, that very last sentence...'Gin time', it's at that moment when you should consider your connections.

I'm talking friends, God-parents, Grand-parents anyone with a connection to your child/children. 
They have responsibilities right? They need to build relationships right? 
Of course they'll want a day with the kidders! Get making contact. They're not baby sitting, they're spending time and that's how you need to get your point across.

"Would you like to spend a day with your grand-child/god-child/favourite little person?" 

Trust me, I'm a mum, a Grand parent and a God-parent, I know how this stuff works, I've been on both sides of the responsibility coin. 😉

Pack the kidders off for a fabulous day (with someone else) and the day is yours. 
I suggest:

A spontaneous spa day.
A day in your PJ's watching tv.
Eating all the junk food in the house without worrying about the rustling noises. 

Did I help? Are you even still awake?

I'd just like to clarify, I don't drink gin daily and insist you be a sober parent! I love being a mum, a Grand-parent and a God-parent.
Kids are amazing, tiring and testing, and that's why a little bit of hysteria (or a crazy blog post) can go a long way.

​Don't say I didn't help.

Love 
Simply Sarah xx
(blogger, connection to many children & gin drinker - responsibly obviously)

It's pretty amazing to have a day when us Mum's are celebrated, what a compliment!

I love being a mum it's the hardest thing and the best thing! Kids are amazing! little sponges that soak up the world, the cute things they come out with and the naughty things they do that force us to hold in our sniggers and give our best mum look!  

I remember the days of handmade Mother's Day cards with scribbly crayon pictures and the haphazard cupcake made by my girl (and probably prodded and poked by 30 classmates!) I remember my daughter scuttling into the room with her hands behind her back, flowers peeking over her shoulder while I tried to guess what suprise she was hiding. Good times ❤



​For me being a mum is about many things, like inwardly giggling at the 'blame it on the doll' naughtiness, nursing a scraped knee/shoulder/shin (always something!) taking deep breaths whilst scrubbing at lipstick circles (the exact height of my daughter) from my dining room wall! Tears at the school plays, the picnics, the best hugs ever...the list is honestly endless! 

Some think occasion days are commercialised but I like them, there's definitely room in this world for treats.  My Mother's days are grown up nowadays and tend to involve eating! I had a great day having lunch in the sun with the husband while my daughter worked (I sent her pictures of our drinks glistening in the sunshine so she knew we were thinking of her) 😉and then dinner and cocktails once my daughter had finished work. 😁

We may have taken our mother/daughter bonding a little too far when I met her from work and realised we were both sporting the same top! (the joys of her working in a clothes shop!) and of course we then bumped into anyone and everyone who kindly pointed it out! 

I thought my look of despair was bad enough but my daughter can't even bring herself to be seen! 

Lunch in the sun was at The Boathouse
Dinner was at Cafe Riva
We enjoyed girly cocktails at the Fizzy Tarte
And for those who want to join the matching jumper club click FATFACE, as you can see they're available in various colours! 

A little out of date now but funny all the same...

​Happy 18th birthday to my daughter!

Where does the time go? My lovely lady has become an adult today.  I remember those special moments so well, the parties, the Christmases, I remember her hugging me one day and declaring confidently;

"we're having sex aren't we mummy"!!!

That one's down to me, I'd previously thought it wise to tell her that sex was a special hug between two people who loved each other very much...(shakes head in hands)
and the time she put Po (Teletubbies) in her dolls buggy and proceeded to run over her doll whilst chanting "sh*t" over and over like a morale boosting chant!  I've never been much of a swearer but that was the word I would use occasionally, so once again, that one was down to me!

Those golden moments, the evidence that small children do listen to their parents and are confident in letting the world see the product of our parenting skills!

So to my little tom boy, my little fairy, my favourite person in the world, Happy birthday to you!