My baby has flown the nest!! How do I feel? Happy, sad, proud, nervous, pleased, lonely, content, excited...🤔
This could be a really long list and potentially a really long blog post so apologies in advance! Okay so, once upon a time...
When I was 18 I left home, leaving home meant paying for rent, which meant getting a job, which meant quitting college. So once I'd settled into full time work and living in my home, I decided I wanted to become a Mum and just three months later I was pregnant. I hated pregnancy, no-one warns you of everything that happens to you! that's some gruesome stuff! A baby moving from one side of your tummy to the other when you're in the bath, really is a potential scene for Alien! I faced a lot of dirty looks and snide comments from family and strangers who thought it was their right to judge my decision.
My decision, my business and I'm glad I did what I wanted to do.
I'll spare you my birthing story! I didn't enjoy it and I'm not going to re-live it in this blog post! But as they say, the pain was worth it and my baby girl was born. At the youthful age of nineteen, I became a mum 😊
Children suddenly make you feel emotions that you never knew existed pre-kids! I remember welling up when my daughter first giggled. I cried when she christened my carpet in the early hours (I'd never known tiredness like it!) She used to fight me when I tried to put her in a dress, always preferring the freedom of dungarees! She always greeted me with a smile and bright eyes in the mornings (until she hit the teenage years then I learned the language of 'grunt') She rendered me speechless once during our rendition of 'you are my sunshine' when she sweetly finished with "so please don't take my mummy away"(Tell me you're not welling up?!)
My little girl has always been my sidekick, the person who allowed me to skip in the street as an adult, the person who always wanted hugs and the person who thought if funny to wind me up as she grew up! . My partner in life. I absolutely adore being a mum and my most wise words ever muttered are:
"Having children is the hardest thing and the best thing"
It's so true. Before I became a mum I was unaware of so many things! I certainly never knew how scary it would feel looking at my newborn baby and realising I was responsible for her life. I never knew it was possible to shed a tear when watching thirty scrawny kids in clunking boots singing their way through a school assembly. (Eight year old's singing 'these boots were made for walking' aww😊) I never knew that whilst telling someone off I could feel secretly proud at such initiative. I never knew that my heart could actually ache when holding my daughter tightly and feeling her tears soak through my shirt. And, I never knew that I could be left lost for words through frustration, pride, anger and happiness all because of my most important person in the world.
Being a mum has taught me many things:
So whilst I'm typing this and getting teary in a reminiscent/sad/happy/proud sort of way, I'll share this with you (a long list - but keep reading!):
I'm still a mum so I'm excited for mine and my daughters future together.
I'm excited that she's excited about having her own place
I'm nervous that she'll need me and I'm not in the next room
I'm wary of helping her whilst letting her find her way
I'm frustrated that she isn't as organised as I would be
I'm trying to be patient in sitting back while she does things her own way
I'm happy that she has a boyfriend she's found happiness with
I'm proud that she's taken the plunge
I'm sad that her bedroom is empty and holds her tears and laughter
I'm excited to have more space after years of bursting at the seams
I'm pleased when she calls or knocks on to catch up
I'm scared and impressed that she now drives more than I do!
I'm proud of her independance
I'm lonely in those moments that would have been mum/daughter snuggling time
I'm smiling when she calls me to watch something together by phone!
I'm happy to have more time with my husband
I'm relaxed when having more time to myself
I'm sad to not have my girl hug me and wish me good night
I'm happy that she has someone to hug her and wish her good night
I'm advising you, yes all of you! to make memories, every single day, no excuses
I'm glad I made memories and look forward to making more
I'm content to think I've done a good job
Obviously a non-exhaustive list as all you parents out there can imagine!
So how am I feeling? as I said right up there at the beginning, it's a long list of emotions and feelings but its progress. It's life. It's time to hope that all my efforts, my tears and my immense happiness of having her by my side for the last two decades (!) has given her the values she needs to lead her own independent life. It's time to let the bond we've created take us into the next phase of our lives.
My favourite person in the whole wide world, the only person to have ever seen my insides (Well it's true!) and my sunshine, the owner of the most kissable cheeks ever. My daughter has flown the nest.
On the bright side, here's to brews at hers, lunch dates together, eating her biscuits (at hers) 😉and most importantly, here's to the exciting future ahead of us all.
Hi I'm Sarah!
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