"I've got you a surprise" he said
"You know what my surprise was? A bag of bloody dishwasher tablets!"
I over heard this in the hairdressers and had to giggle to myself, not ony was this on the worst surprise ever list but this was a woman all of 23! You have to ask yourself, what other amazing surprises her boyfriend will present her with over the years!
Sometimes I may pick up on conversations, some may call it earwigging, I like to call it 'happening to hear'
I was sat in a cafe on my own last week and heard three women talking about laundry! it went on for ages! and I'll be honest I found myself thinking of the men who may have mentioned that women talk crap! And before you get all feminist on me, I agree in womens rights but this trio of laundry experts were no great reflection on interesting conversations had by women! It actually made me want to venture to the nearest pub and sit with men! (afterall most of them know bog all about doing laundry-I said 'most'!) 😆 My favourite line was:
"and as for the valance, that comes off once a flood!"... sigh
Some things are ok but gifting dishwasher tablets = NO! Talking about laundry for half an hour = NO! (I know, my fault for earwigging)
So tell me where do we stand on this?...
The other day we're sat still on the motorway for three and a half hours,
People are walking their dogs (on the motorway!) and the odd gent disappears up the verge and returns zipping their fly. I really need to wee but what can I do? I debate going up the verge myself but it's not like I can just unzip and wee with my back to everyone. I consider finishing the dregs of my water and using the bottle...though without a funnel and some tubing it could be messy here on the passenger seat.
So why is it okay for a bloke to just wee in such circumstances but not a woman? or is it okay? I'll be honest, I've done it (smirks and hangs head in shame) but I'll spare you the details and don't judge me.
So lets paint the picture here, I could head up the verge but if I crouch with my back facing the traffic I'm going to roll backwards down the steep verge like some naked-from-the-waist-down carry on scene! Which means I'd have to balance on my heels facing all the trucks and hope they'd look the other way. It's also freezing so if I wee out here will I be enveloped by a cloud of wee steam? Also we're in the countryside so as another jigging woman said, "what if a fox comes and bites your bum?" (explain that one in A&E)
Even if I manage to crouch and blend in with the grass verge, hood up to avoid being identified and to minimise inhalation of wee steam, what if another emergency vehicle whizzes past on the hard shoulder lighting up the entire area with their blue lights?! a man would simply reveal his baggy arsed jeans while a woman would be lit up like a bloody rabbit in headlights, knickers round ankles looking for a decent leaf to wipe with and holding her breath among a rising mist of wee steam! It's just not fair!
Anyway, now I've got that off my chest, I'll clarify that I held it in to the point of 'please dont let there be bumps in the road' and when I went at home there was no stopping my held-in-for-5-hours flow! (yeh yeh sorry!)
So the actual point of this blog post is to question what's ok and what isn't! I suppose we're all different, if you like to talk about laundry for half an hour then fair enough, it will teach me not to ear wig next time! And a discreet note to my husband, if you ever buy me cleaning products as a surpise treat our marriage may well be over!
And finally, because I didn't invest in a shewee when I saw them on tv, can we think of a way to make it okay for women to have a cheeky wee when stuck on the motorway without us having to carry a folding dressing screen wherever we go!
Hi I'm Sarah!
Blogger in The Lakes
I live in the beautiful Lake District
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