This blog post is a warning to you all, Phone Zombies have invaded!
Now an epidemic & at risk of becoming a pandemic, we need to push awareness throughout the population right now!
Contagious, heedless and docile, the walkers are every where!
In the street, in the road & even leaning their foreheads against buildings, legs walking yet going nowhere.
WE can survive, YOU can survive, take heed of our advice, and may the odds be ever in your favour.
1. Recognise the Phone Zombie
Dragging its feet, hunched over it's mobile phone with thumbs ferociously tapping whilst groaning or murmuring. Eyes glazed over and potentially emitting an odour due to its lack of attention to basic life skills.
2.Where to find the Phone Zombie
Veering into roads ignoring the risks of oncoming traffic.
Sliding off escalators causing a pile of fellow...escalators (?)
Tripping over bollards/signs/small children.
On it's back at the bottom of staircases, unable to right itself.
3. Survive imminent encounters with the Phone Zombie
Be alert whilst walking the streets.
The Phone Zombie is likely to stop abruptly during its foot dragging scuff, causing an obstruction amongst the marching throng of humans.
Be observant of it's skulking & if you see its feet begin to stall, take a sideways step to dodge it. Hop, skip, jump or even barrel roll around it, whatever immediate action you need to take in order to evade & avoid.
Be vigilant at all times.
If you see a phone zombie on the floor/at the bottom of a staircase/in a pond, with frantic thumbs and unable to roll off it's back, approach with caution.
Look deep into it's eyes & if you see a flicker of it's former human self, carefully put into the recovery position & back away slowly.
Before you leave the house, place your mobile phone into the depths of your pocket/bag & don't retrieve until you're back in the safety of your own home.
If you have no option but to take a call whilst walking, check your pedestrian blind spots & if clear walk to the side of the pavement. When neatly tucked into the wall as to not cause sudden obstruction, take the call.
Do not move until the call has ended.
If you have no option but to take/make a call in a shopping centre, obtain visual of an appropriate seat before retrieving your phone. In the absence of appropriate seats, adhere to the point above to avoid falling into a wet floor sign/other shopper/ an ornamental water fountain.
To altogether minimise the risk of turning into a Phone Zombie, leave your phone at home. In the case of an emergency, 'borrow' a phone from a passing Phone Zombie by gently sliding its phone from it's grasp. You have exactly 30 seconds to make an emergency call, before the Phone Zombie's thumbs freeze up and it's eyes roll into the back of it's head in a state of phone-less confusion.
5. How to know if it's too late
Take heed of these instructions now!
Did you know that hospital visits have more than tripled over the years because of distracted walking? It's an actual thing! Check out YouTube if you want confirmation, I did for research purposes obviously.😉
PS, On a serious note, watch where you're going!
PPS, Don't touch your phone when driving.
PPPS, So what do you call a person going up an escalator? Please tell me I'm right and it is an 'escalator'!
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